I am amazed at the attention New Year's Resolutions get this time of year. Resolutions are talked about in comic strips, magazine articles, the local news programs, even in class curriculum. I hate it. I always feel negligent because I never set New Year's Resolutions. Nor do I want to! In fact, I've never understood the fascination of picking apart last year for things I could have done better and promising not to make those same mistakes again.
And call them what you want, resolutions or goals - they all leave a bad taste in my mouth. This isn't something I normally talk about. Especially in my line of business where self-development and setting goals are the bread and butter of success. But hear me out.
Last year I had the great fortune to work with a friend of mine in opening a BodyTalk clinic here in Portland. This was a very exciting time! Spending afternoons dreaming, planning, and considering all the "what ifs" was a delight and challenge to my creativity and business skills.
Yet the further we got into the project, the sicker my stomach felt. As time went on and plans were made it began to dawn on me that this could very well turn into a really bad decision. IBut I couldn't put my finger on why.
On one hand it felt really good to think of a bigger space that would serve my clients in a more well-rounded way. It was going to be fun sharing space with like-minded people. Not to mention the fun of playing house with a new space. But on the other hand, it just didn't feel right. I found myself giving several excuses for why I was dragging my feet: none of the locations were quite right, it was going to cost too much money, there was something wrong with my business partner, and so on.
And because I couldn't put my finger on why exactly I didn't want to proceed, I did just that. Proceed. Up until the day we were to give the final go-ahead on our new space when I finally spilled the beans. I finally told my partner how I was feeling and that I wanted out. And as you can imagine, there were a lot of hurt feelings, anger, and conversations about what went "wrong". But I still didn't have words to support my feelings. And in business most people don't appreciate it when something "just doesn't feel right". In fact, it makes them mad.
As time went on I finally narrowed it down to something very simple. It happened during one of the last conversations my partner and I had about the clinic. She shared how this had been her dream since she started her practice. She had envisioned herself in a clinic setting for years. She knew exactly what she wanted.
As she shared her dream I realized I DON'T want to know what I am doing five years from now. In committing myself to a five year lease I felt like I was selling my soul's freedom to evolve. By committing to a partnership and a new, more expensive location I would have been limiting my freedom to take time off, evolve as a practitioner, and make decisions because it "felt right". This expansion, at this time in my life felt more like a job than a dream.
Yes, I eventually want a bigger space, camaraderie, and new exciting experiences for my clients and myself. But this wasn't the way to get it. Not by a long shot. I don't consider this endeavor a failure though. As a result of this experience I discovered the following: a more accurate picture of what I do want for my customers and myself, how to negotiate a lease, work with construction companies, and set up a partnership - and in this way it was a pure success.
But how do we improve our lives without setting goals or making commitments?
The one practice that has made the biggest impact on my ability to move forward is to evaluate how I feel at the end of the year. Do I feel accomplished, proud, peaceful, invigorated? Do I feel like I stretched for good reasons? There are all excellent signs that I'm reaching for my dreams (even if I don't know what they are).
Then, in quieter moments (driving in the car, drinking my morning coffee before the kids get up) I consider the essences of what I want for the next year. For 2008 its fun, love, freedom, adventure, and prosperity. These essences then work as a homing device that keeps me growing and evolving towards building a healthy, abundant life. But the very worst thing for me to do is to pre-determine exactly how these essences will be fulfilled.
Throughout the year instead of checking my resolution list I ask myself how close am I to feeling my desired essences on a daily basis? What can I do today, this week, this month to bring more of what I want into my life?
And sometimes, just for fun I look back on where I was 6 months ago and follow the trail to where I am now. And every time I do, I find myself saying, "Huh, I would have never guessed this is what I'd be doing". But whatever it is, it is always better than what I could have envisioned for myself way back when.
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